Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
