god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
