The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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