Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
