You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
