By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
