OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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