I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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