i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize