If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
