i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
