I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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