Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
