I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
