Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
