I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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