girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
