i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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