i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
how does that bad decision feel?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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