Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize