He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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