His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
