I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
