Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
