ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well you can't waste a boner
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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