I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
