I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
