Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
