you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
