my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
