I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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