Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
