I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
