Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car

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(425): View more from Washington

the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

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(425): View more from Washington

please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr

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(651): View more from Minnesota

No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.

(1-651): View more from Minnesota

She still started it.

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(415): View more from California

You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.

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(386): View more from Florida

I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?

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(602): View more from Arizona

At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil

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