my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize