then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
