is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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