Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
