I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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