I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
