just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
