we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
