The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
