they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
