Kiss
Puke
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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