So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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