You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
