So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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