I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
