He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
