Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
