Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We need to get me chipped asap
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
