So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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