I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
