Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize