these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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