haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
