I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
