so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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