I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
