Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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