I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
