So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
