dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
